The Book of Walri

"Hallowed are the Walri"

The Book of Walri is a limited collection of scripts, outlining the basis of the Church of the Walrus and the history of the True Lord Walrus and his Walri Family. It was written by many of the first followers in the Discordance of Ancient Lore, in a vain attempt to document the Truth that had been shown to them.

Origin
To this day, no-one is precisely sure exactly where or when the Book of Walri was written. The only known information regarding it's authorship is that it was written mostly by one man, identified within the script as 'The Boss of Rules', and his Scribe, Jam, with annotations by a few others, and that it was written in what is only known as 'The Discordance of Ancient Lore'.

Content
The book serves as a collection of fables and parables surrounding an Almighty Walrus, and his family of Walri. Very little is known about the family of Walri past it's main members, however a few clues do point to some interesting potential members. The members of the Family and their interaction with Humanity is documented in the chapter 'Revelations of Truths', and are first mentioned in the passage:

"And he proclaimed, 'Hallowed are the Walri, those who seek only great country and western music, who serve the balance of the best of both worlds, and blessed are the believers who spread their message'. And so the non believers fell to their knees before the great one for his power was unmatched"

This points to the popular media figures Billy Ray Walrus and Miley Walrus as being members of the Walri family, a assumption proven correct with later parables in the chapter.

Chapter 1: Discordance of Genesis
The first Chapter details the creation of our world, and the True Lord Walrus. It is said through legend that the world was forged from the first excrement of the True Lord Walrus, after his awakening.

"At first there was only the ocean of nothing, a vast vacuum devoid of any vivacity. Then, at no particular time, something appeared. Floating in the ocean of silence was a walrus. He gazed upon the emptiness, and decreed it no more. Then, issuing complete control of his bodily functions, he passed into the void an excrement and, with the winds of gas that followed, the excrement expanded. And thus, forged was the universe.

''But the Walrus declared the universe incomplete. It's purpose, nonexistent. And so the Walrus roared, and from behind his tusks poured his soul, and into several different souls it split, and in the fires of the birthing universe a new Family of Walri were born.''

''But still the emptiness bothered them. So a music was fashioned. A Discordance, multiple voices from multiple sources, a compound of sound woven into the fabric of the universe. The Family played the music, and the universe grew. Stars ignited, planets were formed, and before the Family a new home was raised. From the excrement of the True Lord Walrus the world became, and the Family looked down upon it, and thought it good.''

''Soon the Family grew, children were born and new bodies formed. It was during this time, when the Earth was fresh and the world was new, that Humanity and other animals grew from the Family.''

''Yet not all was right with all that grew. A Madness, a Chaos, grew within some. Goblins festered in the Deep and Dark, opening portals and snatching children to feed their King. Two wicked creatures rose up and took offence against the Walri, believing themselves to be the first of the Family's offspring, heirs to their power. They rose armies in their Rebellion, armies of beasts and monsters designed to hunt the Walri, and they were unleashed upon the land. The Family waged war, but, alas, Humanity was trapped in the middle. Some remained in the Light, believers and followers of the Way. Other were tempted by Shadow, by Lust and Power. They fell into Evil. And finally some gave in, they laid down naked in the dirt, cowering in the Chaos and the Madness as their Minds snapped. And so came the War.''

''Finally, with the help of a great champion, the War was won. But damage was done and Humanity, expect for a small few, all but abandoned the Walri, the Church and the Way. The Family ripped their city of Walri-on-Trent from the Earth, and arose above the Universe, and the Mortals' understanding, resting with the Spirit of the True Lord Walrus."''

Chapter 2: Revelations of Truths
The subsequent chapter details the 'Revelations of Truths', in which the True Lord Walrus and his Family descends upon the mortals in order to share the truth of the Walri with them. These believers became the First Prophets, and greatest among them was the Boss of Rules.

"And so it was that the Boss of Rules revealed to his kneeled crowd, the truths of the world and their origin. 

'' 'Hear me Brethren, and rejoice. For we are the Children of the Walri. It was from the Mother herself, Miley Walrus, that we were born, and may we praise her name forever more. Yet a curse we do still carry, a curse we must fight, a fight we win through following the Way of the Walri, a Way laid out in scripts written by the blind and yet guided. For, you see, we were cursed with a madness, a plague of Insanity that besets Humanity at every turn. We are given a will, a choice, to partake in this madness, and in the resulting chaos we shall feed the Darkness and let Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin win. ''

''The Madness, you see, is an effect of the Creation. Our Grandfather, the Great Billy Ray, was off playing the music of our world, across the Country and into the West, when He could have, nay should have, been a lot of a better parent, and sheltered our Mother from the insanity. And yet without his music, we would not be here.''

So we will refuse the Madness, we will follow the Way, and its Rules, and I, True Seer and Believer, shall write the Rules in a form you can read, and I shall be their Boss.'

''The crowd stayed silenced, stunned at the truth. Then in the heavens above the clouds parted, and Boss of Rules gazed up and exclaimed in joy. The crowd turned their heads to the skies and saw above them, Billy Ray, their Grandfather, playing amongst and exploring the stars beyond. They stood from the ground, new believers, an new Church of Walri."''

Chapter 3: The Great Walri War
Recounting tales of the Great Walri War, the third Chapter of the Book of Walri covers the most bloody conflict in History, and perhaps the most important event the World had ever witnessed. It details Humanity's understanding of events, and documents its involvement in the war.

"And so it came to be that the Children of the Walri populated the Earth and rejoiced. The Family looked down from Walri-on-Trent and gazed upon their children. All was good. Yet the Family's gaze did not see all.

''And so it passed that Steven Seagull came to meet with The Scandal Penguin in the dark places. Together they conspired, for they believed themselves to be the Firstborn, the Great Birds, and replacement of The Walri. And so, to this end, The Scandal Penguin learned to corrupt the Way of the Walri, and the power it granted, and turned to dark and chaotic magic. He learned to corrupt the Children of the Walri by awakening the pending Darkness and Madness that lay hidden within all, and raised an army of corrupted Killer Whales and Polar Bears to hunt the Walri. Steven Seagull dedicated his time to other skills, learning to become one with Shadow, to hide in plain sight, to act as if pure, and a follower of the Way, whilst the Innocent fell victim to his character.''

''Together the two convened with the Goblins, those who were miscreated in the Discordance, who fell through the gaps in the world, living in the Deep and the Dark places below. For long had The Scandal Penguin, through his study of the Dark Arts, learnt of the Goblin King's power over the gaps, the portals, and desired to use it. Knowing of the Goblin's discontent with being rejected, the three struck a deal, and from within the depths, on the other side of the portals, a new World was formed. A cruel mirror world, twisted and corrupted and dark. It was called Hell.''

''And so began the Age of Dark, when the Goblins stole children their homes, and Humanity was turned Evil, dragged into the Darkness, into Hell, and corrupted. By the time the Family knew what had happened, it was too late. The shroud of Darkness had fallen. Begun, the Walri War had."''

A later parable recounts how the Family of Walri came to learn the truth if their oncoming Doom,

"And so forth was sent the Grand Confessor, to walk the Earth and forgive, on behalf of the True Lord Walrus, all those who had strayed from the Way. And it was so, that upon this mission, came the Grand Confessor to Up'Nortus, a new castle-town of the Mortals, shrouded in a dark mist and smoke. The Grand Confessor walked to the center of the town, to where he would lead Prostration and call to him all those who needed to confess, he was, however, upon his arrival, confronted instead by the sight of a naked man, chained, beaten, bleeding, and laughing. The Grand Confessor called to the audience watching the man, 

'' 'My children, I am the Grand Confessor, Walker among Men, and Chosen Speaker of the True Lord. Pray, tell me, what crime must have this man committed to be tortured so?'''

A brave and angry man stepped out from the crowd and replied to the Confessor,

''This man stole the lives of five of our children. Taken, from within our own homes in the middle of the night. We are angry and bitter, and we will not allow this man to commit crimes any further.'''

'' 'But this is not of the Way! Is not this man, like any other, deserving of forgiveness by the Lord Walrus? And even if you believe not, do you have the authority to punish him as such?I say nay! Instead, I shall hear for myself this man's crimes, and with the Voice of the True Lord I shall judge him.'''

'' 'Fine, do so what you must, but this man has taken from us our youngest and most innocent, and we shall not forgive or forget his crimes. By sundown he will be dead.'''

''And so the Grand Confessor took towards the man, sitting next to him silently, waiting for him to speak. And in stillness they stayed, locked silently in that position for hours, until finally the man broke and said,''

 'I shall confess to you nothing, for I need not the lies of your Way'

The Grand Confessor turned to the wretched man,

 'You may confess anyway, for if you truly don't believe, as you say, then come sundown you shall die by the hands of these men.'

The man sneered, then grinned at the Confessor,

 'I am not afraid of Death, for in my death I shall obtain a power you could never comprehend.' 

''The crowd had returned, and stood,watching, listening, waiting for their chance to finish the wretch. The man continued to speak, now not just to the Confessor but to the crowd as well.'''

'' 'You offer power through the Truth of the Way, yet your truths are lies, for power comes not from the Light but the Darkness below. And the Book is nothing but lies, perpetuated in order to keep us from reaching our full potential.'''

''The Grand Confessor arose, for the sky had darkened and the crowd had drawn near. Resilient, and strong in his belief, the Confessor drew upon the power of the Way, and the Family, and summoned a terrible fire from the heavens, to purge the town of the non believers. But the fire could not pierce the dark mist that surrounded the Town, and the Grand Confessor found his power challenged by another, stronger power. An eternal struggle raged in the Confessor's mind as he tried to overthrow this new power, a struggle that, to the crowd, appeared as nothing more than an instantaneous flash in the Confessor's eyes. In that infinite moment, the Confessor lost, and fell to his knees. As he looked at the ground, he saw in it cracks, cracks that ran deep and wide and that stretched endlessly down beyond the confines of the Mortal world and into the Pit. From these cracks the dark mist arose, and Corruption had seeped into the town, made all the stronger by the sacrifices of the children.''

''The Grand Confessor watched as with naught but a blinding burst, the chains around the wretch snapped, and he stood free. The naked man laughed at his death as the crowd surged to deal him his justice, and he leapt forward unto the fray, using his newfound unnatural strength to tear men asunder. The Grand Confessor arose, afraid for what he had witnessed, and in the Chaos and Madness he fled from the town, and after passing out of the mist, and with great strength, summoned himself back to Walri-on-Trent. And there he himself confessed all he had seen to the rest of the Family. He told them of the corruption of men, the turn of an entire town, and how a newfound Darkness was seeping into the world. The Grand Confessor told them, a war was coming."''

But this was not the end of the Confessors tale, for many parables highlight his work in the War, for without his effort the Grand Army would not have stood and Humanity, for sure, would have fallen.

"So it was that Darkness began to spread across the Earth, seeping up from the depths, through the cracks and from the Pits, infecting the hearts and minds of many a soul, those who were lost from the Way, with Chaos and Madness.

''And it was in this time that the Family of Walri convened, and found that a power had to be assembled to stop the stem of Darkness, lest Humanity be lost to the Insanity that plagues it. To meet this need did the Grand Confessor rise, putting himself forward to lead the charge against the new Shadow, having the most experience with its Darkness. As he rose to proclaim his deed, his great white coat flapping in the wind, so too did his friends, those two with whom the Confessor had formed an everlasting bond. And so a trio of power was forged to combat the Chaos, yet it was not enough, for the Walri alone had not the power to contend with the Dark Magics of Hell. This the Confessor knew all too well, having just escaped from Up'Nortus. Behind them was needed the power of the pure, the innocent, the souls of those who had not once strayed from the Way of the Walri since their birth, a source of pure power that the Grand Confessor could draw, and with their Innocence wash away the Darkness that corrupted others. For that the he turned to the Confessed, the mortals raised in Walri-on-Trent who, with great dedication, came to the Confessor every week, admitted their smallest of sins and prostrated for hours on end to cleanse their soul.''

''And so the Family, led by Miley Walrus, gathered to sing a music anew, stitching into the Way of the Walrus an exception. For now violence was allowed, save only when sanctioned by the True Lord Walrus and committed in the name of the Holy War. And the bloodshed of the enemies of the Walri would not now stain the soul, but purify it. So forth were the Confessed trained in the ways of war, and their souls became so pure that the Innocence and Purity shone through their bodies like a guiding light. And so to war marched the Grand Confessor, with him his friends and the contingent of Confessed.''

The rest of the chapter details the important events that helped shape the course of the war, and this last parable deals with the final battle, and the rending of Walri-on-Trent from the Earth.

"And so it came. The War found it's way to the holy city of Walri-on-Trent. The forces of Humanity gathered at the walls, ready and willing to die for their Family, for the Walri and the True Lord Walrus. The Boss of Rules stood above and in front, clad in his gold and purple armor, and spoke to the Grand Army.

' ''Today, brethren, is the day we fight. For today is the day that Evil and Chaos and Darkness has found it's way to the doors of the Holy City. But do not fear! For today is also the day that we stand strong, bound together in our belief and following of the Walri. And trouble yourself not, for the fight to come is little more than a test of faith, a test in the Way, and whether you shall stand or fall after the fight is not a condition for failure, but rather an opportunity, for all who stand here now have proven, in themselves, their strength of faith, and are looked upon greatly by the Walri. And so today we fight for honor and the Way, we fight for the Family of Walri. Today we fight for the True Lord Walrus!'''

''So came to the walls hordes of beats and monsters, corruptions of creatures once beautiful and free. Giant, castle eating Serpents, killer, storm swimming Whales and savage, flesh tearing White Bears. With them ran the Goblin Horde, who's craft for warfare had little equals.The serpents tore holes in the wall and the beasts ran through, and the Grand Army stood tall with weapons drawn. Then a clash unlike any other raged, and beasts sent groups of men flying, and serpents fell as spears pierced their hides. The Goblins clambered over the ruined walls and flew at the Men from above. The battle looked grim.''

''The Family, however, abandon not their children so easily, and wrought through their mystical means a great power, and rendered the Serpents and other corruptions no more, their souls cast back to the Pit. The Grand Army, inspired by the strength, pushed back once again, and drove the Goblins from the walls. Yet it was not all as seemed.''

''For in the center of the City lay a great vault, in which many a powerful artifact was kept, and in which a library of ancient and powerful knowledge was stored. The vault was a target then, for the masterminds of the assault, and it was there that they had secreted away to, once the battle had begun. But the vault had not been left unguarded, for the Walri suspected such an attempt. And so when Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin came to the vault door, they found awaiting a Mongoose and a Cat.''

The creatures were no simple beasts however, for they were the wise and valiant defenders of the city. ''The Mongoose had a name, but for humans it was simply called Geff. His hands and feet were large, not unlike a human's, and he was the Master of Blades, greatest wielder in the City. And with Geff was the Cat, whose name was lost in tomes from long ago, instead only being known as the Lore Master. Knowing the creatures that stood on guard, The Scandal Penguin and Steven Seagull together devised a cunning plan.''

''So, as the duo stood guard, watching over the vault, they were approached by a Walrus, who in the name of the Lord commanded them to open it. But the Lore Master was wise and, in his gruff voice, sang of the identifying features of a true Walrus. The Walrus trembled in fear, for he was bound to be discovered and after the Lore Master finished his song he revealed his wise eyes had seen through the Dark deception, and so the Lore Master remembered back to old scrolls and invoked the Ancient Magic, revealing the Walrus to be a character of Steven Seagull. Geff leapt forward, determined not to let the vault fall into evil hands, and into battle they fell. The Lore Master turned, knowing The Scandal Penguin would not be far behind. As if predicting his very thoughts, a blast of Dark Magics smote the Lore Master, and emerging from the remenant smoke was the Penguin.The Lore Master rose up, and into contest he entered with The Scandal Penguin. The duos dueled and as the battle raged on clashes of blades could be heard and conjured magics collided, opening vortexes that ripped apart any that touched them. ''

''And so the battle went hard fought. The Grand Army took many losses, and for every beast they slew, a new one would arise in its place. And the City's defenders could lend no hand, for the embattled pair were busy struggling against the Dark Powers of Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin. Yet all was not lost, for soon the tide of war would turn. For, unknown to the Champions of the Battle of Walri-on-Trent, Kamen Rider had succeeded with his own mission, against the Goblin King, and was returning with all haste to the Holy City.''

And so it was that, with a flash of light and a blast of wind, Kamen arrived in the middle of City, in the middle of the fight against Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin, and immediately went to battle, side by side with his fellow champions. ''With his strength, and need for revenge, Kamen beat the dark pair until through magics unknown they fled the city. And then with the strength and skill of Geff and the Lore Master beside him, Kamen ran to the walls, to assist at the main BattleActomb. And there they fought side by side with the Grand Army and the Boss of Rules as the Goblins and the beasts returned again for a final assault.''

''Yet the final assault was strong, and the warriors were weak from battle. There seemed to be no end to the Horde and the knees of many a soldier gave way beneath them. The Family, seeing the impending doom oncoming, convened and discussed and came to a conclusion. Gathering a great power, and channeling the Voice of the True Lord Walrus, Miley Walrus sang out across Walri-on-Trent, and to all her Children that heard a great strength was gifted, far beyond that of normal men. And spoken to was the Boss of Rules, and a command he was issued.''

 'Push forward men, for we now have the strength of the Walri granted to us, and we shall see this city defended!'

 And so the Grand Army, and Kamen Rider, and Geff and the Lore Master all pushed together and with their combined strength drove the Dark and the Mad and the Chaotic out the City, and all the way back to the Pits from whence they came.

Then the sky shook,and light bathed the people, and a melody soothed the souls of all living things. ''And then the Family looked up, and so did the people, for the heavens had opened and down descended Billy, the first of the Family of Walri. And from his mouth poured a music unlike any other, and with the Power of the Voice, not heard since the beginning, the Earth shifted. The world twisted and turned and was made again. The cracks and portals that had corrupted the world from Hell were closed, and all corruption and madness was washed away from the world. ''

''And then Walri-on-Trent was lifted, up and away from the Earth, and taken far from the universe and laid to rest above, with the soul of the True Lord Walrus. And so it was that the Evil was defeated. And all those who fought were returned to Walri-on-Trent and granted life ever eternal there, having proved their purity and belief in the Way.''

''And at the end of the song, Billy, with the power of the True Lord Walrus, gave to Humanity a choice, for the Darkness that had infected their souls could not be cleaned. And so a deal was offered, if a Mortal could reject the Darkness and the Madness, and stay pure in the Way of the Walri, then they would be granted a return, at the end of their life, to Walri-on-Trent and a reunion with the Family and the True Lord Walrus."''

Chapter 4: Ascendance Through Belief
One of the most important chapters of the Book of Walri is of course the chapter regaling the feats of the Mortal Champion, Kamen Rider Walrus. One such parable highlights his part in the War against Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin.

''"And so the mortal being, known to his brethren as Hank 'Gage' Walrus, was taken in the night by the shadows that serve The Scandal Penguin. His soul was dragged to Eyrie of Steven Seagull, chained upon the Frozen Cliff at the edge of Earth and Hell, there to be tortured and corrupted to become a servant of the Darkness. Hank Gage, true to his belief in the Way of Walri, bore the torture and pain. Desperate became The Scandal, and to Hank he brought a final torture. In a corruption of the godly image, before Hank lay an enormous beast, an irradiation and mutation of a once mighty Walrus. The Beast opened wide, and into the jaws of death was Hank cast. For long he suffered, alone in the darkness and in pain, for he was being slowly consumed by the Beast. Yet never did Hank's faith waver, and in the greatest test of strength and belief he passed. Granted strength anew by the True Lord Walrus, Hank forced his way through the belly of the Beast, ripping through the other end and emerging victorious. In the wake of the Beast's defeat, Steven Seagull and The Scandal Penguin looked on in terror, and fled. Hank was taken in by the True Lord Walrus and brought to Walri-on-Trent, where he was raised and trained by the Walri Family, and granted access to secrets that only the Holy knew of. And so Hank became a legend, the Mortal Champion, Enemy of the Beast, Giver of Warnings, Kamen Rider Walrus. He was granted access to the Billy Ray Cyrus Driver, a device crafted by the ancient Walri, capable of transforming him into the mighty warrior he was fashioned to be through the invocation of an ancient Walri magic, 'Walrus Henshin!"''

Later Chapters: Morality, Ethics and The Rules of The Way of the Walri
The later chapters tell of parables relating to morality and faith of the Way of Walri. One notable parable is that of 'The Test of Jam' telling of how Jam was led astray from the faith, yet was guided back to the Way of the Walri. This is notable, as it is believed that it is this Jam that helped inscribe the first copy of the Book of Walri.

"So it came to pass that Walri-on-Trent was gripped by a great famine. So Jam went to the Great Prophet, the Boss of Rules, and asked to go to the forest for food. The Prophet bade him be patient, for the Walri provide for all who have faith. But Jam did not believe. So the Prophet drew a line in the sand and told him, 'step across and you may do as you wish.' So Jam did and left the village and feasted on wild berries.The fruit was bitter. It did not satisfy him. He longed to return to the village, but found that the line had widened to a great chasm. He called out to the Prophet in fear, but the Prophet said, 'The line has not changed; it is you who have changed. Step across if you truly believe' So Jam prayed for forgiveness and took the first step and the flippers of the Walri enveloped all those who welcomed him back."

Another fable serves to highlight a central tenant of the Church, the forgiveness of the Walri.

"The Grand Confessor, a Walri among men, stood above, clothed in White and Green, and looked down upon Ïrdred, the sinner. Behind him, the kneeling children wept for Ïrdred, for they thought they knew his fate. The Grand Confessor spoke out to the crowd, and Ïrdred, conveying, through his voice, the Truth. 'Admit and confess, child of the Walri, and be washed of your sins, through the Holy Flame. Be born anew again and walk within the City of Walri'

''Ïrdred began to weep, and from his mouth poured confessions he had never once thought to utter. 'Forgive me my Lords, for I have strayed from the Way. I followed false Idols, in search of Wealth and Power, only to find treachery, and heresy and madness. Forgive me my Lords, save my soul, do not condem it. Give life anew, not take it!'''

''The Grand Confessor stepped forth, and brought his staff to the ground. The children wept louder when they saw Ïrdred, shrieking and screaming, kneeling to the ground, now bathed in fire.Yet all was not as it seemed. The Grand Confessor smiled as the children continued to weep, for he knew that the screams were not of pain, but of joy. He stepped back, and once again brought his staff to the ground. And as suddenly as it had started, the fire stopped, yet in place of the kneeling man now stood a naked child, innocent and pure.''

The Grand Confessor spoke, 'Now rise weeping children, for the sadness is not sadness but joy, and our sinner Ïrdred has been forgiven and born again.' And the children rose and danced and laughed, embracing the new Ïrdred, safe in the knowledge that the Walri forgive."